You show me the love of Christ through others and it
makes me unravel, melt and shrink back in overwhelmed gratitude. The reckless
love of Christ is nonsensical to man. You have recently shown me this love
through Zach. Zach has been spending time with me while I have been sick, and
each day I am burdened with my inability to receive such radical love. I want
so badly to show him that I appreciate him when he puts a cold rag on my forehead,
drives me to the doctor or tells me to go back to my room and rest because he
can see I am feeling miserable. I want to visit him, bring him coffee, cook him
dinner, take him to see James Maddock, do his laundry… Burning inside me is
love for this man, and the inability to show this love is murderous to my
heart. Yet I need to be sure that I am not basing my frustration on a lie. Will
Zach know that I love him even though I can’t show it? I am physically unable
to do so at this time. The truth is that when I am able to love Zach and do
not, this is when he will feel unappreciated. His ability to love me, to give
to me, when I am in desperate need is fulfillment enough for himself. He
understands that I am unable, and is willing to give over and over again. I
need to be willing to receive. But when I am able, Zachary, I will love you ridiculously.
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