Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Thursday Morning

A splat of coffee drips on the hot plate
When he removes the pot
Hastily
Before the high pitched beep
Tells him the brew is ready

A 64 year old woman
Was beaten to death last night
With a hammer
Police sources say
Her son may have been behind the attack

That same Wednesday
The Supreme Court allowed
Gay couples to receive tax
Health and retirement benefits
Previously unavailable to them[1]

The newspaper stains his
Calloused finger tips
That tapped the keyboard one too many times
They now tap the counter
Tick tick tick


[1] http://www.dnainfo.com

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Low Rising



Jesus, two weeks ago I prayed that you would be yourself with me.
After that I felt convicted that I was holding too tightly to my possessions – mainly clothing – and resolved to give my clothes away at the next possible opportunity. “Show me who I can give my clothes to” I said.
Well, Jesus, you certainly came, showed up, and blew me out of the water. You said, yeah Brianna, it’s nice that you’re “ready” to give your clothes away – but I want you to hold everything in this world with open hands.
Two days later a pipe burst in our house and flooded from the third floor down to the basement, causing water damage in about half of our residence. We sat in the living room that morning, after ripping up the wet carpets till 3am the night before in hopes to save the hardwood floors from warping. We drank coffee together and listened to the worries my mom was expressing over the money that this was going to cost and the amount of damage that took place, how hunter’s graduation party was in two weeks and the house wouldn’t be ready.
I stopped and let my family in on the coincidence of my conviction days prior concerning my possessions. We reflected on how you work, God, in our lives and continually teach us lessons through real life situations. How kind of miraculous it is to notice that you were working in that very moment. My mom continued to notice the difficulties that the flood was presenting for us as a family and showing obvious worry over the whole situation. Jesus you gave me boldness and faith.
I said to my mother “I believe that God is going to provide us with enough insurance money. He’s going to be like – here you go – I’m taking care of you, and just put it in our lap.” Alyssa agreed and said for some reason she felt at peace about the whole thing. Maybe that’s because we weren’t paying mortgage on the house, maybe because it was your Spirit giving us what you promised. “The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him” says Nahum 1:7.
Later that day the insurance guys came to estimate and calculate the damage to let us know what our next step needed to be. Through their consultation we were informed that the damage was worse than we initially thought, there was lead in the paint, we couldn’t be in the house when they were demoing and I definitely needed to be out of the house as soon as possible. This was because I had lung issues a few years back and they traced it to mold, dust mite and pet allergies. While the men explained these things and their little machines told us which walls had water and which walls would remain, we didn’t really know what to do with ourselves. We just knew we were going to be making a lot of changes over night.
Alyssa and I started packing my van with the things I already had packed from moving home from college. I had barely unpacked so it was pretty simple. God you were preparing me to handle the transition through teaching me how to live on the go; by moving to college, back home for the summer, to college, to camp.
We were thinking of where we could sleep that night, and Alyssa immediately thought of the apartment that she planned on moving in to with Tim after they get married in October. About two weeks prior, Alyssa had informed my parents that she intended to move in to this apartment in August, in order to avoid the stress of moving while starting her new job at Valley in September. She wondered if it would be possible for her and me to move in to the apartment now until I go back to school mid-august. God, your hand was so clearly over our living situation – you want to give your children good things, comfortable things.
The landlady, Veronica, was away on business in Germany that week. Alyssa got a hold of her and Veronica was more than happy to let us move in as soon as we could. She gave Alyssa access to the apartment over the phone and even extended her empty house to accommodate our family’s needs. God, you bless through the body of Christ. This woman has been a faithful servant at our home church for many years. I pray you would shower her in your wondrous grace for what she gives so freely to others.
Three days prior to the pipe bursting, I stumbled upon an ad for a paid internship for content writing with DialAmerica for the summer. I received a call back from my resume not three hours after sending it, and scheduled an interview for Monday at 2. Little did I know I would be moving my life in to the van Monday morning. I felt like maybe I shouldn’t go to the interview because of how hectic things were and what it would be like to start a new job on top of it all. My family encouraged me to go anyway.
I stopped at Starbucks and sat with a grande Zen tea, trying to focus on my strengths and weaknesses. They always ask that question in an interview, right? With my life in the back of the van, I talked to You, Jesus about how good you are, and you filled me with joy. I walked in to the interview confident and was able to not bring any discouragement or disarray with me. I am still waiting to hear back from them on whether or not I am hired, but I trust that God will open or close the door for the better.
When I got back to the house our friends, John and Jess, were ready with 2 mattresses and their vehicle to help us move Alyssa and I up to the apartment. Many hands make light work and hearts serving Christ serve each other. We took one trip up to the apartment, and then were blessed by the hospitality of our lifetime family friends, the VanLentens. They had us over for a home cooked meal pretty last minute. While talking over dinner, they offered their backyard and house for us to host Hunter’s graduation party. What a great family of believers we are surrounded by – who genuinely grasp the concept of loving their neighbor and giving their possessions.
Alyssa and I settled in to the apartment through another set of disguised blessings. Alyssa’s fiancé, Tim, had lived on his own for a few years after college. He moved back to his parents house after a change of jobs. That meant his basement was full of the essentials for living, all boxed and ready to use; couches, side tables, kitchen appliances, Tupperware, bath mats, towels…you name it. We are at no loss for comfort and we didn’t have to worry for a second what we would be cooking our eggs in. God, you see everything in advance and know exactly what we need – you orchestrate our lives so perfectly, and although we don’t see the whole picture most times – we can trust that.
Hunter, Reagan, Mom and Dad have been living in a hotel for the past week and have been told they will be displaced for atleast 2 months while our house is renovated. Hunter graduated high school and is moving to Boston on June 30, and his needs will be provided for just as perfectly there.
My parents were told that insurance is covering everything from demo to renovation, even food while they are inconvenienced.
When Alyssa and I went food shopping for the apartment for the first time, she asked me if I minded putting the money out for the bill. She said she would pay me back once she got paid next. I said not to worry about it, it was a blessing that I even had money enough to pay for anything, seeing as a month ago I had 40$ in my bank account. God has provided me with a job and the time to save up a little, just in the past few weeks. I told her that she didn’t have to pay me back, I just trust that God will provide the money. I told her when we got in the car in the Shoprite parking lot that I thought we should save our receipts from food to keep track of how much money we spend.
Last night at dinner Dad asked if we saved our food receipts. We said yes and he told us that he was going to take them to the insurance company and they would reimburse us for what we spend on food. He said because we weren’t supposed to be out of the house paying for our own food, they would cover that cost. God, you did it again.

How could I invest any time in doubt or worry when you so blatantly show you are in control of every single thing and on top of that want to bless your children?
My family, when telling this story, says that God can use a bad thing to bring so much good. However, I think we need to start by not referring to the flood as a bad thing. God, you can only create good, and I believe that this was so curiously orchestrated by you. I think you answered my prayer, that you decided to be yourself with me, and show me how creatively and unexpectedly you can use whatever you want in this world to bring glory honor and praise to you. I get chills seeing your creativity – I would never have thought of a flood! It wasn’t the first time you did ;)
Lord, Father, Protector, Healer, Sustainer – you are teaching me that when we speak our faith and believe you have the power, and WILL do it – You DO! You are a miraculous person and I can’t wait to experience more of you.

Thursday, June 20, 2013

When I sit on leather



the gap in your tooth
and the band in your hair
stick out in my memory like
the smell of the first time
we held hands and your feet kissed
the edge of the stream
the sun kissed the back of my neck
i saw the shadow of yesterday in
the june of your eyes
reaping dandelion weeds
a cicada shelter
a gardeners worst nightmare

yellow school bus
and you in your white jumper
the sweet wheat grass
and the Crickets
chirp trick jumping
intimate grass touching
with the help of the breeze

its funny how the rain
melts the walls

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

The Artist's Creed



My eyes breathe
They desire a gulp of canyon
But only get a lick of crayon

Pits burdened under the Atlantic’s ass
Cannot speak their enduring tale
They silently heave

Enduring, while I color with Crayola
In a silly attempt to replicate
The sunrise I saw last evening

The day my marker tastes like lemon
Bleeds June raindrops
Rakes sandy brown desert

Over the 8x11 standard canvas
Will I flatten to a two-dimensional
Black and white shape

Sacrifice my pulse 
And die happy