I don’t know what is wrong with me but I am avoiding a
writers conference that would help me become a better writer and I would rather
take a nap. I am in my room doing homework rather than forcing myself to attend
the workshop. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I feel all sorts of out of
place and a little restless because I know I am supposed to be somewhere right,
now but all I want to do is sit and think a whole lot of blank nothing. I don’t
want to put the time and effort in to engaging in other peoples work, yes I enjoy
some of it naturally, but it’s hard to listen when it sounds like crap. And why
should I listen to your poems when I don’t care for them? What makes you so
special? Your words so profound? Your mouth so delicious? That I should pin my
butt cheeks to the cushion of this atrium seat and bleed at my ear lobes with
the crap you call poetry? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Perhaps I have
grown tired of pretending to be a part of something that everyone else is
pretending exists. What is there to a pretense but looks and clothing? Fabric and
skin with no pulsating veiny flesh beneath? I will have no part in robotics. I know
what is wrong with me: I discovered. I discovered that poetry is not something
to be shared between people for the sake of sharing it. It is a piece of the
soul that will touch those it wishes to touch, you cannot force this beast nor
hold him back. You cannot shackle his brawny neck or tame down his delicate fur
– it will stand on end if it so pleases. It will shock you with its bristly
warmth despite the humid weather. Stand not in his way; He is beyond your contribution.
Your measly song through the microphone will not stir his slumber. He stirs
your soul. I will not sit and listen, forcing myself to pang through the black
tar that sticks to the bottom of my sunken sneakers, the gravely stench you
call talent. Will not my eyes be drawn upwards with the passing of the beast,
his unwavering, stately, bristly, clawing; intent on gluing me to my chair and
making me forget I am even sitting in the atrium? I will travel with the poem
if he so permits me the ticket. Until then, I refuse to board this unwarranted train.